


metal pendulum

by Shitpostulum



Category: Metallica, Pendulum/Knife Party
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other, too sexy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 13:44:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7642879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shitpostulum/pseuds/Shitpostulum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>what happens when two bands meat</p>
            </blockquote>





	metal pendulum

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [ezzay fo shizzle](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/218293) by Mr. Freeman. 



Lars Ulrich went to buy a chainsaw dildo from a fucked up drug dealer who got high on his own supply and had a limp dick from all the drug use and shoving chainsaws up his ass. Lars forgot to buy anal lube, so he ruined his own asshole. Good riddance, he's a fucking shit drummer. KJ Sawka is far superior.

So as the story goes, KJ Sawka became the drummer for Metallica, but his loyalty issues to Pendulum sparked a band war. Metallica had all the metal, but Pendulum knew how to make the weapons, so the war was a gigantic fucking waste of time and potential collaborative music. A bigger waste than the hopes of the Wild Arms fandom.

Kirt Hammett went to play Wild Arms, but he tripped and fell into a black hole to the past which made lightning fall from the sky and kill all of Pendulum with bells made of sand and snakes. The bells exploded which resurrected everyone.

KJ Sawka and Lars Ulrich had to put their differences aside, because the plot demanded it and farts smell like french fries.

This is paragraph 5.

Right, so Kevin and Lars had gay ass fucking sex right in front of everyone which like made them both better at drumming and shit. This doesn't make sense because it's a fanfiction, made for some shitlord girl to fap to because hawt boiiz are doing the nasty. It's not a Pixar movie, IF YOU FUCKING REVIEW THIS I WILL BURY YOU IN COCKROACH AEDEAGI, THAT'S THE WORD FOR INSECT COCKS IN PLURAL. THAT'S RIGHT, A GIANT DITCH FULL OF ROACH DICKS

James Hetfield discovered he had a kink for arthropod bestiality, so he found a bird eating tarantula and fucked her, which was fucking nasty and it got even nastier when he found out it was a whorantula. The Misfits skeleton watched him fuck the slut spider and cackled while stroking his bone boner along. James didn't give a shit since that skeleton was not the skeleton of the libido. He punched into a computer screen, withdrew Papyrus from Undertale itself, then beat the skeleton to death with the far sexier skeleton. But james got fandom cancer and was eaten by the unfuckable mascot, turning his own skeleton into a misfit who was neither a mascot nor fuckable.

All this madness annoyed the guitar hero notes. They restored sanity to all. This is a gripping chapter end. This is a cliffhanger.

Your face is stupid.


End file.
